Learning the preemie ropes.

I had an appointment with my blood pressure doctor this morning so went to visit Shaughnessy in the NICU right afterward. Her nurse today is a really nice, sweet woman who's had her a couple of times before, but she informed me this morning that she'd finally seen what the other nurses mean when they say our daughter has 'an attitude'. I can't recall what she said she'd done to make her angry, but apparently Shaughnessy had herself a right little fit over it and showed her what she's made of.

I know I should be more worried for my future than amused by that, but to know that she doesn't put up with crap warms my heart and makes me laugh. If she was crabby about everything I think I'd be more alarmed at what the future holds, but she's really not. In fact, she's downright peaceful most of the time and I've only personally witnessed her getting angry a couple of times myself. Sneezing made her really mad the first time we did Kangaroo Care, and when she was first born she didn't really like being handled much so had some mini meltdowns, but honestly when I go in to see her she's always just very peacefully sleeping or blinking.

I don't think I've mentioned Kangaroo Care here. That's when they place your baby right against your skin and you have about an hour-long snuggle session with her. I've only done it twice so far, but man, does it feel nice. This last time she was super-content and just cuddled on my chest, moving her fingers on my skin and holding on to the tie from the hospital gown. She had the hiccups when they first put her on me and man, preemie hiccups are about the cutest hiccups in the universe. They are hiccups, but the tiniest hiccups you have ever heard.

I've been changing her diaper and getting better at it. The first time I changed her diaper was a shock because I wasn't prepared for how different it is to change a preemie's butt. I've changed countless diapers in my time what with all the teenage babysitting and nieces and nephews. Diaper-changing was something I wasn't worried about since I know how to do it, so it was a blow to find out I kind of had to re-learn the art. I keep telling people that changing Shaughnessy's diaper for the first time was like changing a bullfrog. She has these skinny, kicky little legs, no butt and a teeny little waist. The nurse told me to do the diaper up tighter than I thought I had to but it's hard to do that when you're so afraid of breaking your miniature baby.

Anyhow, I'm much more confident now but today I got a poop diaper. She'd spared me that up until now and I finally lost the diaper lottery. Not that her poop is all that hard to deal with. A big poop for her is still a teeny poop in the realm of pooping. One of my favourite things to do, though, is wipe her face. All we use to do that is a clean bit of gauze and sterile water, so when I'm cleaning her mouth she gets really still and thoughtful and seems to be trying to figure out what exactly is going on. It's little moments like these when I feel like I'm connecting with her a bit, since she opens up her eyes a lot during handling time.

Right now the only thing I'm really concerned about is the IV burn she got. It wasn't looking good yesterday so they changed the ointment they were using and this morning were talking about having a plastic surgeon look at it. While I was in today, though, they reassessed it and seem to think it's healing better. I got my first look at it and it's nasty-looking, but I can't really bring myself to be angry at anyone or the hospital. Veins can go interstitial, especially so with preemies, and these things happen. I HATE that it happened to Shaughnessy and I'm still nervous that it'll turn into a bad infection, but for now it's being treated and she doesn't seem to be in any pain or distress over it.

I did get in trouble from the lactation consultant today. I'm still producing lots of milk, but they want me to pump more times a day. Dang it.