DENIED!

So, Andrew went to Ottawa for the weekend. My only request was that he bring me home a caramel apple from The Purple Cow, since the caramel apple craving is still upon me and The Purple Cow does them PERFECTLY. He arrived home on Sunday and all was well, we were happy to see each other and I forgot about the caramel apple until much, much later when Andrew suddenly said, "Oh, I went to the Purple Cow to get your caramel apple and guess what?"

"What?" says I, with a feeling that the story would end with no caramel apple for me.

"IT WAS GONE," he informed me.

I did not believe it, but he insisted it was true. Apparently he went to the store and it was like the candy store from The Chocolate Touch when John Midas goes back to get the shopkeeper to help him; totally empty inside.

I accused Andrew of simply forgetting my caramel apple and coming up with this implausible lie, but he continued to maintain that he was telling the truth. Sigh. So, in the end I had to believe him.

The hope is that they're either renovating or relocating, but since Andrew couldn't see any evidence of either I am lost in a limbo of not knowing. And I'll REALLY have to make my own caramel apples now.

This is all really for the BABY of course, not me. The BABY wants the caramel apple, or makes me want it ... or something.

The morning sickness is still mostly a thing of the past so I'm letting myself relax a bit about it. Other common pregnancy things abound, but I can deal. Heartburn is a big one and while heartburn is no fun there's a certain freedom in realizing that anything I eat is going to result in it. I can eat things that I used to be more cautious about before, like hot dogs (not healthy, but tasty when you really want one) or red peppers or whatnot and know that they'll do me no more harm than anything else. As long as I have my giant-ass tub of Tums (Andrew bought me a HUGE container of them after I told him this would go on until the baby Jeanes is born) and my wild cherry Rolaids chewables I'm good.

I'm LOVING how the kicking is getting more pronounced every day. It really is the coolest part of pregnancy so far, just feeling proof that yes, there truly is a little sprog in there kicking around. I was never sure how I'd find the whole experience of pregnancy and it's been very surprising so far, but I always figured that if I did end up having a kid I'd find this part the most fascinating. I'm checking a lot to see if I can feel anything from the outside at all so that Andrew can start sharing in the weirdness, but it's still not strong enough for that. Soon!

Post-holiday entry.

Happy 2009! I'm still pregnant, so things are going well on that front. Christmas broke me a bit, I think, so I haven't felt much like writing but I've been feeling bad about not updating so here I am.

I would have definitely handled the holidays better if I hadn't gotten that dumb cold. I'm actually still trying to get over the last of it, but traveling and not getting a lot of sleep probably made that harder to do. Seeing family and friends was incredibly awesome, of course, and Christmas day I hardly noticed how sick I felt, it was so good to spend time with my family and enjoy the nieces and nephews. My mom got a Wii and I actually had a LOT of fun playing it, something I did not expect. It's just that everyone looks dumb when they play that thing, so it's not so bad. I still giggle to myself when I remember watching Andrew boxing. Heeeeeee.

It might have been easier if we'd been able to stay longer in each city we visited, giving us a chance to catch our breath, but since all the places we stayed involved people giving up their actual beds for us we definitely didn't want to overstay our welcome! Thank you so much to Hayley, Alannah, and Jenny and Colm, all of whom let us sleep in their very comfy beds. This is not something I plan to repeat, since ... no. It's just not right. We are really blessed to have such generous people in our lives who were willing to sacrifice to help us make our holidays work out.

I guess the multi-city Christmas craziness that has always been our way (out of necessity) will have to shift somewhat with the arrival of baby Jeanes. Accommodations will be even trickier and I suspect we'll end up staying in hotels and trying to perhaps stay longer in one place so that we aren't run ragged. Eek. I dunno. I guess we'll think about it when we have to. Alannah has already demanded babysitting privileges and we'll definitely take her up on them while baby Jeanes is still tiny and adorable and hold-able. If we can make Post-Christmas Christmas work next year, La, you're booked!

The morning sickness is definitely almost entirely a thing of the past, thank heavens! There are still moments, but they're laughable compared to what it was. I still crave kind of random things and no one craving hangs around too terribly long (although I could eat a caramel apple anytime.)

The BEST part is feeling the baby moving. I'm much more able to distinguish between regular internal workings and the kicks and jazz hands going on in my uterus. Hilariously the baby is most active when Shelley is lounging on me and purring. This tends to happen when I'm using my laptop on the sofa and Shelley kind of sprawls along my left side between me and the sofa cushions (I'm sitting sidewise with my back against a sofa arm in case I'm not making myself clear.) This means that his purrs are pretty much right up against where the baby is probably trying to sleep, and he/she is probably annoyed at the rumbling and vibrations. Cat purrs are surprisingly strong, if you're not that familiar with cats. Sorry baby, but I'm not kicking my cat off for anything. Get used to it!

Still hoping to find out the sex this month so I can switch to using an actual gender to refer to our spawn. I'll be calling on Monday to make the appointment, so here's hoping they can get us in there soon.

Ummm ... not much else happened. We went to a New Year's eve party thrown by one of Andrew's old co-workers from the computer store. I was kind of reluctant since I was still feeling sick, didn't know anyone and couldn't even drink any booze to just relax myself and go with it. It turned out to be more fun than I anticipated, though, and we had a nice time. The host booked a suite in a hotel across from Nathan Phillips Square so we got to look down at the mass of people and enjoy the fireworks when midnight hit. There was even a fantastic vibrating chocolate fountain that I thoroughly enjoyed until someone moshed into it and ended the chocolate fun by splattering it down the wall. Fruit and chocolate are the PERFECT combination, people. Luckily for the host there was an immediate cleanup effort by family and friends and all was well.

OK. That's really it, I guess. Or at least I can't remember anything entirely relevant right now and will post later if something occurs to me.

Hello, cervix! Nice to meet you!

It's been a busy time over the last little while, but I'll do my best to recap.

I had my colposcopy on Friday. I was extremely nervous about it since I wasn't sure what exactly to expect going in. I didn't know if they'd be doing a biopsy or not. As it turns out the oncologist was extremely nice and put me at ease very well. Andrew came in with me and after doing an interview with a nurse about my medical history I saw the oncologist and she got right up in my hoo-ha with a camera and showed us my cervix on the big tv screen.

I'm always squicked out by the icky biological nature of our human bodies so seeing my gross cervix magnified by a bajillion was creepily fascinating. The oncologist was very merry about pointing out stuff to me and explaining that all the goop and whatnot was normal and nothing to worry about. Then she pointed out the problem areas to the left and just above the cervical opening which, thanks to the vinegar solution she'd used, showed up white (the cells, not the opening.) And that was pretty much it. She decided not to do another pap since the problem areas were obvious and she could see them clearly.

So, instead of doing anything right now she said for me to come back in March when she'll check and see how things have progressed. No biopsy until about six weeks after the baby is born, too, so nothing will endanger the progress of pregnancy at all. On the one hand that's very relieving since I was worried they'd want to risk it, but on the other hand I can't help but feel like doing nothing for a while feels worrisome. I'm mostly just resolving to try not to think about it until I have to, though, so concentrating on the progress of the pregnancy and how baby Jeanes is doing is priority one.

On Friday night we headed to Ottawa with Andrew's parents in their car. Andrew's grandpa was having the annual Christmas party on Sunday, which was also Andrew's birthday, so we were off to enjoy a weekend of celebration. We stayed with Colin and Jen and on Saturday we went out for lunch with Alannah who was kid-free for the weekend. We ate at Feleena's, whose cheese enchiladas I'd been craving for a long, looooong time. It was good except the enchiladas came with red salsa instead of salsa verde, and the salsa verde is one of my favourite things about them. Ah, well. They were still delicious, if a bit too spicy.

After lunch, though, we got me MY CARAMEL APPLE. Yes, my caramel apple! We got it at the Purple Cow, whose caramel apples I'd been specifically craving, and I have to tell you that it was exactly as I remembered. Better, even. I'm sure some of the noises that I made while eating it were very distracting for Andrew as he was trying to drive the Ottawa city streets in the middle of a snowstorm. It was just. So. Good.

That night we went out to New Mee Fung with Colin and Jen for delicious Vietnamese food, then went out for bubble tea after that. Oh, man. So much good food in one day. I was feeling pretty good, all things considered, and was thrilled to enjoy some of my favourite Ottawa treats without suffering from too much pregnancy-related illness.

Sunday brought the Christmas party at Andrew's grandpa's retirement home. It went off fabulously and I ended up discussing the baby a LOT with very interested, charming people. There were a lot of stories and advice heard that afternoon, believe me. Mostly stories, though, as the majority of people are of my grandparent's generation and had come to Canada from England or Ireland or Scotland or Wales. Grandpa's parties are always a good time and I end up socially exhausted after from all the talking!

After the party Andrew's parents took us directly to the train station, where I got to have my first experience with riding Via Rail first class. Andrew's dad had upgraded our tickets for us. All in all it was fantastic, although I'm used to being pretty much left alone during my train ride. In first class they're always checking in with you and waving wine bottles at you. I stuck with juice and pop, of COURSE, and was ecstatic that the meal was as delicious as it was. Andrew had reserved our meals beforehand and got us the pork tenderloin and it was fabulous. The other choices were scallops and (I think) spinach ravioli. The ravioli probably would have been OK, but oh ... the tenderloin was good. I really enjoyed my food this weekend, it seems.

Sadly I spent most of yesterday feeling sicker than I'd felt in a long, long time. I guess the weekend caught up with me or something, or I'm coming down with something. I even barfed, just to remind myself that yes, I'm still pregnant and no, the morning sickness is not gone yet! It's OK, though. The weekend was totally worth it.

Mmmm, pizza.

I'm feeling a little discouraged this weekend because I'd sincerely hoped to have seen the last of my morning sickness by now. Unfortunately, it hasn't gone away. It might be somewhat less, or I might just have gotten used to it, but it's still definitely around and troublesome if I don't keep taking Diclectin to make it less so.

The other stuff is breezy compared to feeling nauseated all the time. I'm not going to list and rank it all here, but I'd happily deal with the rest right up until delivery if the sickness would just GO.

Argh. Anyhow, I am still managing to eat somewhat regular meals. I was kind of shocked to see that I'd only put on two pounds when we went to the obstetrician. I was convinced I'd have put on a lot more what with my uterus getting all sizable and having eaten not-necessarily 'healthy' foods when I could eat. I guess I should be thankful, though, since there's still lots of time for me to pack on the pounds, especially if I get my regular appetite back.

For some reason pizza has seemed to become a favourite. I know that sounds kind of awful, but looking back over the last few months I see that when all else fails, pizza has usually been a good fallback form of sustenance. I guess that's not so bad, what with it usually containing most of the food groups and all. I'm kind of the opposite of a pizza snob. I'm not all that invested in getting gourmet pizza with asparagus and eggplant on a whole wheat artisan crust with heirloom tomato sauce. I like my pizza hot and cheesy on a substantial crust, and ham and pineapple tends to be my favourite topping. That or olives and green peppers, sometimes with pepperoni. I'm quite happy to order Pizza Hut and eat it as hot as possible as soon as it comes in the door.

So, I've been eating variations of pizza whenever I can't think of anything else that my stomach would enjoy. There's usually a McCain's rising crust pizza in the freezer for when I need one, and I still LOOOOOVE the Dr. Oetker's mozzarella pizza although it's harder to come by, seeing as how it seems to sell as quickly as the Loblaw's will stock it. Which isn't all that regularly. I'm even grooving on the Lean Cuisine single-serving four-cheese pizzas somewhat.

My belly is definitely popping out more with babyness now that my uterus is moving on up. I was a little overjoyed to realize that I could start wearing some pants that were too big a while ago, a situation that would in the normal scheme of things not overjoy me AT ALL. I'd forgotten about them and was stressing that I only had one wearable pair of jeans around, but then remembered the existence of these pants that seemed to fit in the store but then were kind of fally-downy when I got them home. For once I'm glad that I procrastinated on returning them since now they're pants that will last me until beyond the holiday season, even if they're baggier in the leg than I'd like. I'm feeling a bit resistant to going and buying maternity clothes, for some reason. Maybe because I don't really plan on having more children, so don't want to go crazy buying all kinds of expensive stuff like a complete wardrobe of maternity clothes and matching nursery furniture and whatnot.

Yes, a crib, but I'm not feeling the need for a matching changing table and all that. No matter what we'll still be living in limited space, so we have to keep the baby furniture pretty limited as well. I'm more excited about baby clothes than I am about baby accessories beyond the bare necessities. I would like to get rid of our sofa, keep the loveseat and get a rocker, which will also give us more room in the living room. This is assuming we stay in the same apartment for a while after the baby is born, which is more of a possibility now than we thought it had to be initially. It would be workable with a baby; not a toddler.

Anyhow, all in all babymaking is coming along pretty well and I'm trying not to think too much about it all until after the new year, although I still have some moments of nervousness every now and again. Maybe I'll complain a little more in a few days or so! (I know you can hardly wait.)

Pregnancy has made me think more about food than I ever have before.

I have to get the food thing under control. For the last few months I've been eating whatever the hell I can whenever the hell I can because the sickness has been so constant and occupied my whole being, mental and physical. Seriously, when something seemed good I ate it, and when I was feeling even the slightest bit better than usual I tried to make sure I ate whatever would go down.

Like, when Mang came to live with us way back in the day and she'd been a stray for a while. She ate anything edible at all that fell on the kitchen floor, even things cats don't normally eat, because she was still in the 'you never know when you'll eat again' mentality. She got over it eventually when she learned to trust that she had an always-available dish of dry food out 24/7, which made me happy. Now I have to start getting over the 'eat anything, who cares what, it's sustenance' mentality.

So, I am feeling the anxiety of a) trying not to eat unhealthy crap all the time so that I am getting enough in the way of nutrients, and b) trying not to eat unhealthy crap all the time so I don't balloon to thrice my original size and give my obstetrician a heart attack every time he sees me. Or give myself one, either.

The sickness might (might) be starting to wane slightly, but I refuse to believe that until I have a full un-medicated day of non-stomach-roiling sensations. Even so, I don't want to be sitting around eating just pickles and pizza and jars of mandarin orange slices in light syrup. Half the time I'm dying for something specific, the other half I'm vaguely hungry but don't know what the heck I want and anything I think of makes my guts go, "Eh."

Like yesterday; I kept trying to think of something to eat. I ate some pickles but after a few my stomach suddenly told me to cut it out, so I did. A while later I ate some of the mandarins but they didn't sit too well, either. Finally out of desperation I decided to boil some rice noodles then fry them a tiny bit with some sesame oil and teriyaki sauce. Surprisingly, my body said, "Yes, that's right." And lo, my fickle hunger was appeased.

Then an hour later I needed to eat pickles so badly that I had to cut myself off after a certain amount so that I don't OD on sodium. And I'm still jonesing for those caramel apples! Possible weekend project?

More miracles of pregnancy.

So I can't really decide if being pregnant is a nightmare or a wonderland for the hypochondriac in all of us. We're all that way to an extent, and I've been actually making an effort not to freak out about every little thing. So, I usually try to wait and see if something is a continuing issue before getting my Google on.

Well, lately I've noticed that I've been short of breath a lot, and also that I've had a stuffy nose for a couple of weeks. The short of breath thing could just mean that I'm way out of shape, which is pretty true. The stuffy nose thing could mean that I'm getting allergic to stuff in my old age, that I'm coming down with a cold, or something along those lines. Well, two weeks of it seemed to me to indicate an ongoing issue, so yesterday I plugged both symptoms in with the word 'pregnancy' appended to them. And guess what?

Yep, they are both talked about quite frankly as things that happen in pregnancy. The shortness of breath is a real thing that happens early and later for different reasons. Progesterone is always behind these awful things! I'm really starting to hate progesterone.

So, after reading about that and going, "huh," I looked up the stuffy nose thing and the Google was like, oh yeah, sure, you have rhinitis of pregnancy! I've had zero things that indicate a cold other than this ongoing stuffiness and wish to blow my nose all the time, so I'm forced to conclude that I've got this crazy deal.

The worst part of it all is not feeling like I can breathe properly a lot since being short of breath and having a stuffy nose are a crap-ass combination, but I am breathing. Just not as efficiently as before, I guess. I think it's more a sensation than anything else and I don't seem to be fainting or swooning or whatever, but it's just annoying.

Also annoying is ME since this kind of stuff makes me variously crabby and petulant and Andrew has to put up with me whining and whatnot. He does buy me whatever weird stuff I ask him for from the store. Also, I often will suddenly say out of the blue things like, "Do you know what sounds great right now? A bottle of queen olives. And some spaghetti. And a caramel apple." Andrew is always kind of like, that's weird, but is sympathetic.

I really do want a caramel apple. One of the ones from The Purple Cow in Ottawa. Big Granny Smiths with a thick layer of caramel. Nothing else, though. I don't need it dipped in chocolate or with peanut bits or Smartie pieces stuck to it. Just the tart, juicy apple and the gorgeous caramel that they use. Oooooh. What I'll probably end up doing is making my own here at home to just get it over with. It's not that hard.