Look at the baby!

OK! Here are the ultrasound pictures as promised, just ... late. Forgive me!

Here is baby Jeanes lolling on her/his back in November, head to the left:


Here is baby Jeanes from the front in November, waving at us with his/her right hand:


And finally here is baby Jeanes from last week, from the front as well but flipped in the opposite direction, possibly with her/his hand up beside her/his face:


That last one is less obvious than the other two, unfortunately. I was so jazzed by the end of the ultrasound by how cool it had been to see baby Jeanes spazzing around that I forgot to ask for a picture, so I was surprised when she handed us one. I think it made more sense to me at the time, having just been looking at live images, but it isn't so clear to me now. I do think those are some fingerbones to the side of the face, though.

Baby Jeanes is pretty consistently kicky and wiggly in there. Not constantly, but more than enough to keep me reminded of his/her presence. Especially when I'm on my side. When I move to my back and try to get Andrew to feel what's going on in there the baby calms down a lot, probably because things spread out more and there's more room to stretch out.

Otherwise, not a lot is new in the realm of baby-making. Sickness is gone, heartburn is present, there's some weirdness with the relaxing of ligaments but nothing too notable. All in all it's evening out into the second trimester honeymoon, I do believe. I approve!

Moody me.

So, um, Andrew didn't get the ultrasound shots scanned on Friday but he'll try to today, promise!

I really must be feeling more energetic and happier now that I'm feeling much better physically. Dan commented on it when we were at their place for a Battlestar Galactica night (must catch up since the new season starts so soon!) I was thinking about it and yes, I think it's true. Except that I'm also still hormonal and prone to sudden mood changes, something that happened on our way home from said delightful evening.

When we left Maysie and Dan's place it was snowing out but it wasn't deep or anything. We walked to Bathurst to catch the streetcar to Bathurst station, something we normally do since it's a shorter walk. Now, this snow wasn't the lightly falling, pleasant kind of snow. It was small and mean flakes that drove persistently against us, borne on an unpleasant wind. The kind that stick all over your clothes and collect on your hair like a white blanket and then instead of brushing off bond to your hair and clothes, then melt there.

As we were walking to Bathurst we saw a streetcar go by. This isn't uncommon so we were prepared to wait for the next one which usually doesn't take too long and we were optimistic, borne as we were on the high of having had a great night with friends. The streetcar stop is situated so that hopeful cab drivers pull up constantly right in front of you and stare at you a bit until you either shake your head or just look disinterested and this happened quite a few times. We briefly discussed grabbing one since the weather was so bad but it's expensive so I suggested we should wait. So we did. We waited and waited. And waited.

The snow got meaner and meaner, coming down more heavily, and the cold combined with the inescapable annoyance of the flakes against my face got more and more uncomfortable until suddenly I couldn't take it any more. My stoic resistance to spending cab money suddenly and completely transformed into disgust and major frustration at the discomfort we were experiencing and I said we should take the next cab that came along. Andrew readily agreed, thankfully, and even though it then (of course) took a bit for a free cab to come along we got one and got in. Phew!

Now, I'm an emotional person, something I readily admit, but even I am a bit bemused by how very quickly my moods can change on a dime these days. One minute I'll be humming along, thinking about how cute my cats are and what I'm going to be eating for dinner later, the next I'll be welling up with tears over how radically our lives will be changing and worried about whether we'll be prepared. Then I'll think to myself that we won't have a choice and it'll all work itself out and I'll feel better and eat a banana. Then I'll feel the baby kick and get overcome with the total weirdness of growing a human in my very own body.

So, I'm all over the map, but managing to keep it together for the most part and remind myself a lot about how I have to keep it together for this kid since ain't nobody else going to mother it for me! (Despite the apparent need my sisters and mom have to grab it and hug it and smother it with love, I'm sure they don't intend to keep it after it starts crying or wetting itself. And besides; I might turn out to be okay at the mothering thing after all.)

DENIED, AGAIN!

We had the anatomical scan ultrasound today and I was SO. EXCITED. to find out the gender. I went in all happy to discover the gender of our large-banana sized child, and ultimately was denied this knowledge. Yes, the umbilical cord was totally in the way of the specifics.

The experience itself was nice, though. The tech was the same one who gave us our first ultrasound and during that one she was uncommunicative and reserved, but I'm pretty sure that was due to the mixup of how far along I was. This time she was much chattier and quite informative, seeming totally charmed by our bouncy kid. Apparently baby Jeanes was moving around a LOT, all wiggly and twitchy (although I couldn't really see this from my position during most of the ultrasound.) She'd be trying to measure the limbs and the baby kept moving them out of position. This mostly just made her laugh, though, and she told us that all of her babies today had been hyper.

After she'd taken all the measurements she turned the screen toward me and pointed out a few things like the baby's face and legs and arms. It had one arm up and a hand over its left eye which the tech thought was totally adorable. I was more worried that it was trying to suck its thumb, though! Then she did her best to see the gender but showed us how the cord was in the way. I jokingly said that it must be a boy if it was so active, taking after its dad, but she said that she was leaning more toward it being a girl. Since she couldn't say for sure, though, it was just a guess and now I have to try not to take it too seriously.

So yeah, I'm a bit disappointed but it's hard to be too upset when we could see our little mini human being all energetic and lively. That's pretty reassuring. After we left the clinic I made a lot of jokes about our naughty, uncooperative baby but I'm not literally blaming the kid. Honest! Oh, and Andrew took the new ultrasound shot and the ones from last time to work so he could scan them, so hopefully later today or early tomorrow I'll post them.

DENIED!

So, Andrew went to Ottawa for the weekend. My only request was that he bring me home a caramel apple from The Purple Cow, since the caramel apple craving is still upon me and The Purple Cow does them PERFECTLY. He arrived home on Sunday and all was well, we were happy to see each other and I forgot about the caramel apple until much, much later when Andrew suddenly said, "Oh, I went to the Purple Cow to get your caramel apple and guess what?"

"What?" says I, with a feeling that the story would end with no caramel apple for me.

"IT WAS GONE," he informed me.

I did not believe it, but he insisted it was true. Apparently he went to the store and it was like the candy store from The Chocolate Touch when John Midas goes back to get the shopkeeper to help him; totally empty inside.

I accused Andrew of simply forgetting my caramel apple and coming up with this implausible lie, but he continued to maintain that he was telling the truth. Sigh. So, in the end I had to believe him.

The hope is that they're either renovating or relocating, but since Andrew couldn't see any evidence of either I am lost in a limbo of not knowing. And I'll REALLY have to make my own caramel apples now.

This is all really for the BABY of course, not me. The BABY wants the caramel apple, or makes me want it ... or something.

The morning sickness is still mostly a thing of the past so I'm letting myself relax a bit about it. Other common pregnancy things abound, but I can deal. Heartburn is a big one and while heartburn is no fun there's a certain freedom in realizing that anything I eat is going to result in it. I can eat things that I used to be more cautious about before, like hot dogs (not healthy, but tasty when you really want one) or red peppers or whatnot and know that they'll do me no more harm than anything else. As long as I have my giant-ass tub of Tums (Andrew bought me a HUGE container of them after I told him this would go on until the baby Jeanes is born) and my wild cherry Rolaids chewables I'm good.

I'm LOVING how the kicking is getting more pronounced every day. It really is the coolest part of pregnancy so far, just feeling proof that yes, there truly is a little sprog in there kicking around. I was never sure how I'd find the whole experience of pregnancy and it's been very surprising so far, but I always figured that if I did end up having a kid I'd find this part the most fascinating. I'm checking a lot to see if I can feel anything from the outside at all so that Andrew can start sharing in the weirdness, but it's still not strong enough for that. Soon!

Post-holiday entry.

Happy 2009! I'm still pregnant, so things are going well on that front. Christmas broke me a bit, I think, so I haven't felt much like writing but I've been feeling bad about not updating so here I am.

I would have definitely handled the holidays better if I hadn't gotten that dumb cold. I'm actually still trying to get over the last of it, but traveling and not getting a lot of sleep probably made that harder to do. Seeing family and friends was incredibly awesome, of course, and Christmas day I hardly noticed how sick I felt, it was so good to spend time with my family and enjoy the nieces and nephews. My mom got a Wii and I actually had a LOT of fun playing it, something I did not expect. It's just that everyone looks dumb when they play that thing, so it's not so bad. I still giggle to myself when I remember watching Andrew boxing. Heeeeeee.

It might have been easier if we'd been able to stay longer in each city we visited, giving us a chance to catch our breath, but since all the places we stayed involved people giving up their actual beds for us we definitely didn't want to overstay our welcome! Thank you so much to Hayley, Alannah, and Jenny and Colm, all of whom let us sleep in their very comfy beds. This is not something I plan to repeat, since ... no. It's just not right. We are really blessed to have such generous people in our lives who were willing to sacrifice to help us make our holidays work out.

I guess the multi-city Christmas craziness that has always been our way (out of necessity) will have to shift somewhat with the arrival of baby Jeanes. Accommodations will be even trickier and I suspect we'll end up staying in hotels and trying to perhaps stay longer in one place so that we aren't run ragged. Eek. I dunno. I guess we'll think about it when we have to. Alannah has already demanded babysitting privileges and we'll definitely take her up on them while baby Jeanes is still tiny and adorable and hold-able. If we can make Post-Christmas Christmas work next year, La, you're booked!

The morning sickness is definitely almost entirely a thing of the past, thank heavens! There are still moments, but they're laughable compared to what it was. I still crave kind of random things and no one craving hangs around too terribly long (although I could eat a caramel apple anytime.)

The BEST part is feeling the baby moving. I'm much more able to distinguish between regular internal workings and the kicks and jazz hands going on in my uterus. Hilariously the baby is most active when Shelley is lounging on me and purring. This tends to happen when I'm using my laptop on the sofa and Shelley kind of sprawls along my left side between me and the sofa cushions (I'm sitting sidewise with my back against a sofa arm in case I'm not making myself clear.) This means that his purrs are pretty much right up against where the baby is probably trying to sleep, and he/she is probably annoyed at the rumbling and vibrations. Cat purrs are surprisingly strong, if you're not that familiar with cats. Sorry baby, but I'm not kicking my cat off for anything. Get used to it!

Still hoping to find out the sex this month so I can switch to using an actual gender to refer to our spawn. I'll be calling on Monday to make the appointment, so here's hoping they can get us in there soon.

Ummm ... not much else happened. We went to a New Year's eve party thrown by one of Andrew's old co-workers from the computer store. I was kind of reluctant since I was still feeling sick, didn't know anyone and couldn't even drink any booze to just relax myself and go with it. It turned out to be more fun than I anticipated, though, and we had a nice time. The host booked a suite in a hotel across from Nathan Phillips Square so we got to look down at the mass of people and enjoy the fireworks when midnight hit. There was even a fantastic vibrating chocolate fountain that I thoroughly enjoyed until someone moshed into it and ended the chocolate fun by splattering it down the wall. Fruit and chocolate are the PERFECT combination, people. Luckily for the host there was an immediate cleanup effort by family and friends and all was well.

OK. That's really it, I guess. Or at least I can't remember anything entirely relevant right now and will post later if something occurs to me.

Pre-Christmas posting.

I've been hardly daring to believe it, but I think I'm feeling better! The morning sickness has eased off quite a bit and even though I still have a bad day or so, not every day is constant nausea like it used to be! It's so awesome to feel an improvement, right when I was thinking there would NEVER be one.

Of course, I've managed to get an awful cold for Christmas but I still feel better than I did! A cold isn't the end of the world but not being able to take Neo Citran feels so weird. I've been using a saline nasal spray to help with the sinus stuff and it's ... very different from Otrivin. Otrivin is meant to go in there and stay in there, whereas the saline spray is meant to flush you out, baby. I'd never used one before, or a Neti pot or anything like that, so the learning curve for me has been a bit steep and uncomfortable, but surprisingly it does help. Perhaps not when the cold is at its worst, but it makes a difference. I used to be the kind of person who never took medication for anything, but in my early twenties I discovered that medications WORK and actually bring relief, so converted enthusiastically to cold and headache relievers. Now that I can't take the ones that work best I really miss them.

I ran into my cousin-out-law (Andrew's cousin) Emily on the street tonight when I was coming home from some Christmas shopping. I mentioned to her that so far this weblog has been mostly just a bunch of bitching about how horrid pregnancy makes me feel, but there are some really good things starting to happen now and I want to make sure to highlight all the great stuff since I don't want this to be a total warning to the female population to never get pregnant.

I'm nineteen weeks now and the baby is getting very normal-looking in there, according to the experts, instead of looking like a creepy alien. It's about the size of a large deli pickle (except baby-shaped), and my uterus is a bit larger than a cantaloupe! A cantaloupe! Wow. So, I'm starting to look more pregnant although it's still hard to tell in general since I tend to wear loose clothes anyhow. I also think I'm feeling some baby movement, which is bizarre but awesome. Fluttery feelings, which is exactly how it's described by those who've experienced it before. My innards are definitely shifting around to make room for all this growth and stuff and it feels odd. Not bad; just odd.

We won't be finding out the gender until after the holidays. I meant to book the anatomical scan before Christmas but things got away from me, so hopefully they'll be able to fit us in soon after the new year. I have my heart set on finding out and if it turns out that the baby won't cooperate and they can't get a good enough look I'm going to be very disappointed. Don't be shy, baby!

We're going to be traveling like mad over the holidays, which is our usual way of spending Christmas. Three cities (Kingston, Ottawa and Montreal.) Maybe I'll be able to score another caramel apple from the Purple Cow!

Hello, cervix! Nice to meet you!

It's been a busy time over the last little while, but I'll do my best to recap.

I had my colposcopy on Friday. I was extremely nervous about it since I wasn't sure what exactly to expect going in. I didn't know if they'd be doing a biopsy or not. As it turns out the oncologist was extremely nice and put me at ease very well. Andrew came in with me and after doing an interview with a nurse about my medical history I saw the oncologist and she got right up in my hoo-ha with a camera and showed us my cervix on the big tv screen.

I'm always squicked out by the icky biological nature of our human bodies so seeing my gross cervix magnified by a bajillion was creepily fascinating. The oncologist was very merry about pointing out stuff to me and explaining that all the goop and whatnot was normal and nothing to worry about. Then she pointed out the problem areas to the left and just above the cervical opening which, thanks to the vinegar solution she'd used, showed up white (the cells, not the opening.) And that was pretty much it. She decided not to do another pap since the problem areas were obvious and she could see them clearly.

So, instead of doing anything right now she said for me to come back in March when she'll check and see how things have progressed. No biopsy until about six weeks after the baby is born, too, so nothing will endanger the progress of pregnancy at all. On the one hand that's very relieving since I was worried they'd want to risk it, but on the other hand I can't help but feel like doing nothing for a while feels worrisome. I'm mostly just resolving to try not to think about it until I have to, though, so concentrating on the progress of the pregnancy and how baby Jeanes is doing is priority one.

On Friday night we headed to Ottawa with Andrew's parents in their car. Andrew's grandpa was having the annual Christmas party on Sunday, which was also Andrew's birthday, so we were off to enjoy a weekend of celebration. We stayed with Colin and Jen and on Saturday we went out for lunch with Alannah who was kid-free for the weekend. We ate at Feleena's, whose cheese enchiladas I'd been craving for a long, looooong time. It was good except the enchiladas came with red salsa instead of salsa verde, and the salsa verde is one of my favourite things about them. Ah, well. They were still delicious, if a bit too spicy.

After lunch, though, we got me MY CARAMEL APPLE. Yes, my caramel apple! We got it at the Purple Cow, whose caramel apples I'd been specifically craving, and I have to tell you that it was exactly as I remembered. Better, even. I'm sure some of the noises that I made while eating it were very distracting for Andrew as he was trying to drive the Ottawa city streets in the middle of a snowstorm. It was just. So. Good.

That night we went out to New Mee Fung with Colin and Jen for delicious Vietnamese food, then went out for bubble tea after that. Oh, man. So much good food in one day. I was feeling pretty good, all things considered, and was thrilled to enjoy some of my favourite Ottawa treats without suffering from too much pregnancy-related illness.

Sunday brought the Christmas party at Andrew's grandpa's retirement home. It went off fabulously and I ended up discussing the baby a LOT with very interested, charming people. There were a lot of stories and advice heard that afternoon, believe me. Mostly stories, though, as the majority of people are of my grandparent's generation and had come to Canada from England or Ireland or Scotland or Wales. Grandpa's parties are always a good time and I end up socially exhausted after from all the talking!

After the party Andrew's parents took us directly to the train station, where I got to have my first experience with riding Via Rail first class. Andrew's dad had upgraded our tickets for us. All in all it was fantastic, although I'm used to being pretty much left alone during my train ride. In first class they're always checking in with you and waving wine bottles at you. I stuck with juice and pop, of COURSE, and was ecstatic that the meal was as delicious as it was. Andrew had reserved our meals beforehand and got us the pork tenderloin and it was fabulous. The other choices were scallops and (I think) spinach ravioli. The ravioli probably would have been OK, but oh ... the tenderloin was good. I really enjoyed my food this weekend, it seems.

Sadly I spent most of yesterday feeling sicker than I'd felt in a long, long time. I guess the weekend caught up with me or something, or I'm coming down with something. I even barfed, just to remind myself that yes, I'm still pregnant and no, the morning sickness is not gone yet! It's OK, though. The weekend was totally worth it.

Mmmm, pizza.

I'm feeling a little discouraged this weekend because I'd sincerely hoped to have seen the last of my morning sickness by now. Unfortunately, it hasn't gone away. It might be somewhat less, or I might just have gotten used to it, but it's still definitely around and troublesome if I don't keep taking Diclectin to make it less so.

The other stuff is breezy compared to feeling nauseated all the time. I'm not going to list and rank it all here, but I'd happily deal with the rest right up until delivery if the sickness would just GO.

Argh. Anyhow, I am still managing to eat somewhat regular meals. I was kind of shocked to see that I'd only put on two pounds when we went to the obstetrician. I was convinced I'd have put on a lot more what with my uterus getting all sizable and having eaten not-necessarily 'healthy' foods when I could eat. I guess I should be thankful, though, since there's still lots of time for me to pack on the pounds, especially if I get my regular appetite back.

For some reason pizza has seemed to become a favourite. I know that sounds kind of awful, but looking back over the last few months I see that when all else fails, pizza has usually been a good fallback form of sustenance. I guess that's not so bad, what with it usually containing most of the food groups and all. I'm kind of the opposite of a pizza snob. I'm not all that invested in getting gourmet pizza with asparagus and eggplant on a whole wheat artisan crust with heirloom tomato sauce. I like my pizza hot and cheesy on a substantial crust, and ham and pineapple tends to be my favourite topping. That or olives and green peppers, sometimes with pepperoni. I'm quite happy to order Pizza Hut and eat it as hot as possible as soon as it comes in the door.

So, I've been eating variations of pizza whenever I can't think of anything else that my stomach would enjoy. There's usually a McCain's rising crust pizza in the freezer for when I need one, and I still LOOOOOVE the Dr. Oetker's mozzarella pizza although it's harder to come by, seeing as how it seems to sell as quickly as the Loblaw's will stock it. Which isn't all that regularly. I'm even grooving on the Lean Cuisine single-serving four-cheese pizzas somewhat.

My belly is definitely popping out more with babyness now that my uterus is moving on up. I was a little overjoyed to realize that I could start wearing some pants that were too big a while ago, a situation that would in the normal scheme of things not overjoy me AT ALL. I'd forgotten about them and was stressing that I only had one wearable pair of jeans around, but then remembered the existence of these pants that seemed to fit in the store but then were kind of fally-downy when I got them home. For once I'm glad that I procrastinated on returning them since now they're pants that will last me until beyond the holiday season, even if they're baggier in the leg than I'd like. I'm feeling a bit resistant to going and buying maternity clothes, for some reason. Maybe because I don't really plan on having more children, so don't want to go crazy buying all kinds of expensive stuff like a complete wardrobe of maternity clothes and matching nursery furniture and whatnot.

Yes, a crib, but I'm not feeling the need for a matching changing table and all that. No matter what we'll still be living in limited space, so we have to keep the baby furniture pretty limited as well. I'm more excited about baby clothes than I am about baby accessories beyond the bare necessities. I would like to get rid of our sofa, keep the loveseat and get a rocker, which will also give us more room in the living room. This is assuming we stay in the same apartment for a while after the baby is born, which is more of a possibility now than we thought it had to be initially. It would be workable with a baby; not a toddler.

Anyhow, all in all babymaking is coming along pretty well and I'm trying not to think too much about it all until after the new year, although I still have some moments of nervousness every now and again. Maybe I'll complain a little more in a few days or so! (I know you can hardly wait.)

Yay, baby! Circulate that blood!

I had another obstetrician visit yesterday. I wasn't so jazzed about the visit itself, but kind of looked forward to eating some very cheap Chinese food in the hospital food court after so met Andrew at the Queen's Park station and we headed over to Mt. Sinai.

The doctor seemed a bit confused about why we were there, oddly, asking if I was there early for the scheduled colposcopy. I had no real answer other than that we'd been scheduled to come in that day, so he went with it and checked out where my uterus was at and let us listen to the heartbeat. That was pretty awesome as we hadn't heard it before. Any proof that the baby is in there doing its baby thing with apparent health is always happy-making.

Unfortunately the doctor wasn't so positive about the abnormal cells result from my pap smear and said that on a scale of one to five (one being a slight risk of cancer and five being probable cancer) that I'm a level three. Normally this would mean a colposcopy as soon as possible and a biopsy being done, but since I'm pregnant that complicates things and messing around with the cervix isn't a good idea. He said that in order to save time he'd rather send me to a specialist at Princess Margaret since that's what he'd do after doing a colposcopy anyhow, so why not just send me there initially. So they're setting me up with a specialist and we'll find out more. Eventually.

Of course this is anxiety-producing, but until we actually know something there's no real point in freaking out or assuming the worst. So after going and having seven (SEVEN) vials of blood drawn from my poor body for other baby-related testing Andrew and I parted ways and I went to eat my Chinese food. It tasted good, but ended up not sitting so well and I felt like craaaaaaap by the evening. Boo. I've still got the sickness and I'm about as thrilled as you can imagine.

Oh! We got an official due date, finally. Our kidlet is due May 24th, 2009. Paaarty! There will be no iterations of the name Victoria/Victor appended to the baby if it's actually born on its due date, though. None. Those names were RUINED for me by The Young And The Restless back when I was a teen, and will never be the same again.

OOAK show and babies everywhere I look.

Yesterday Andrew and I trekked out to the One Of A Kind Show here in Toronto. I try to go to it every year that I can and I think the only shows I've missed since 2003 were the two years we lived in Ottawa. I love this show. Love it, love it, love it. It's the weirdest mix of what Andrew and I call 'shit-on-a-stick' art (a term I picked up when I used to peruse professional crafting forums that usually refers to the sock monkey/polymer clay/plastic canvas end of the spectrum) and art worth thousands and thousands of dollars.

Roaming the aisles is kind of overwhelming at times, especially if you go on the weekend when there's a huge number of people. I like to go initially for a look-around and then take advantage of the free re-admission on subsequent weekdays during business hours when the place is less likely to be crammed full of folks. Yesterday was crowded and I think I mostly just looked at booths from the aisle, only venturing into the ones that seemed most interesting and braving elbows and squeezing in between people when it was most worth it.

What struck me, though, was how many, many children and pregnant women I noticed this year. I know they're always there, but now that I've been yanked onto a new level of awareness of these things I couldn't help but check out all the strollers, slings and looming bellies I was surrounded by. Andrew pointed out that next year we'll be lugging our own kid and, as always, I was a bit gobsmacked by that. Even though this gestational thing feels interminable at times, it's still not really all that long and well crap maybe I'd better be making plans beyond just names, huh?

After Christmas. OK?

Anyhow, kids were everywhere as were women in various stages of pregnancy. I'm still not obviously pregnant even though I can tell where I end and uterus begins (I will NEVER refer to it as a 'baby bump' ever ever ever because that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard) but since I've always been the type to have a bit of a belly, even when I was at my most skinny-stage wee in my early twenties, it's not something anyone would notice yet. I notice it and I can definitely no longer sleep on my stomach comfortably, but ... yeah. I just looks faaaaat. I'm especially heartbroken about my beloved brown wool coat that I bought last year. It won't fit me much longer. I can still wear it open, but when I need a real winter-type warm covering I'll have to go buy a sub-par maternity jacket and I'm not happy about it.

Anyhow (again) I took a break to sit on a bench while Andrew wandered some more and one pregnant woman in particular walked past me a few times. She was working a booth and was bopping between it and ... somewhere else. She was just enormous, looking like she might just give birth at the show, and seemed all energetic and glowy and on top of the situation. I am so hoping I feel that way toward the end, too! She was wearing yoga pants and a tight t-shirt so was obviously embracing the whole 'yay I'm pregnant' look. It was nice. I really need to start buying some maternity clothes. Maybe I'll go for an entirely different style in maternity clothes than my usual casual to the brink of unacceptable. Where can I get punk babymama wear?

So, this was rambly and disjointed, but I guess it's just kind of revisiting how my awareness has really shifted to noticing tiny babies and spazzing toddlers and being forcibly reminded that it's no longer a 'maybe', it's an inevitability. WEIRD.